Jesse had just stepped off the plane and was heading toward baggage claim when he texted me, "I'm here. :)"
The fact that this moment had come felt a little surreal. I'd be meeting Jesse within minutes after only knowing him over the phone for the past three-and-a-half months. You can be certain I devoted extra time that day to my makeup.
While pulling up to the proper gate at "Arrivals," I scanned the crowd looking for Jesse's face, which I knew quite well after Facebook-stalking his photo albums more times than I care to admit. And there he was. He hadn't spotted me yet, but he was standing there with a grin on his face and wearing track pants, a t-shirt, and a baseball cap - his "flying gear" as he called it. I was so excited, I didn't even think to pull up next to him. I just stopped the car, leaped out, and ran all the way over to him.
"Jesse!"
Startled, he turned toward me and didn't even have a chance to get a word out before I threw my arms around him.
"It's nice to finally meet you."
"It's nice to meet you too, Anonymous Virgin." (LAWL)
Jesse was even cuter in person than he was in his pictures, and his southern accent more charming than on the phone. He had the most gorgeous blue eyes of any man I've ever met, and his boyish features possessed a maturity due to stress lines from his deployment in Iraq. I thought he was very handsome.
We hugged each other tight for a bit, then got in my car and headed to my cousin's house, where we'd be sleeping since he lived so close to the airport. The first thing Jesse did was grab my ice scraper from the backseat, shove it down his sleeve, pretend it was his hand, and then start touching me with it while I was trying to drive.
I managed to stop laughing long enough to say, "You are gonna make me wreck, you goofball!"
I'm sure you already have an idea of how our upcoming road trip would go. Jesse was silly and simply too much fun and, given my giggly personality type, we complemented each other quite well.
Before embarking on our journey, we spent a day together in the city and had a blast. I introduced him to some friends I was saying goodbye to, which I'm glad I had the opportunity to do. Something felt special about important people in my life meeting each other, and I'm not sure if I understand completely why. Maybe it was because Jesse and my friends would finally be able to put a face to each other when I talked about them and because this whole experience with Jesse just seemed even more real. "Why, yes, this is the man in my life. Did you hear that? There's a MAN in my life. Can you believe it?!" Jesse's presence also made it a lot easier to say those goodbyes. These were very dear friends that I had been very close with for years, and I was about to leave all of them to go to school on the opposite corner of the nation. Jesse was supportive and his company eased a lot of the pain. Although goodbyes were hard, Jesse and I still a lot of fun that day just enjoying each other's company and doing some of the tourist attractions while we had the opportunity.
I still remember how nervous I was that day. Spending time with Jesse in person was much different than just speaking via telephone. Body language, touch, facial expressions, behaviors... I was very conscious of all of it and kept worrying I would do something wrong or turn him off. Ironically, all that worry can turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy, but I have found that's a lesson that just comes with experience. Anyway, despite all my anxiety, it was a very good day. Jesse's sense of humor was wonderful and his goofy personality was a treat to spend time with. He was also very generous and paid for everything that day - event/attraction tickets and meals. I suppose that's to be expected when a potential couple starts spending time together; but regardless, it meant a great deal to me. No guy had ever done that for me before (or rather, I had never had a guy in my life to do that). I felt special and valued, which is a marvelous feeling.
We spent that night at my parent's house (in separate rooms) and would begin our journey the next day. I cried that morning as I hugged my mother goodbye (Dad had left early for work so I didn't even get to tell him goodbye). As we packed a few boxes into my car - the ones that were too fragile to mail to my new home - and as we got into the car and shut the doors - Jesse told me not be sad and reminded me of how much fun our trip would be; he didn't want to see me cry. It was sweet.
"You're right. We've been looking forward to this trip forever, and it's not like I'll never see my family again."
I'm disappointed that I don't remember his exact response to this, but I do remember laughing really hard immediately after he said it. I guess he knew the right thing to say.
On that note, I started the car and hit the gas. Our journey had begun. I'm sure I could write a book about all the silly and memorable things that happened on that trip, but this is just a blog so ain't nobody got time for that. I'll try to give you the super summarized version.
Remember how I mentioned my car had no A/C and this was the end of July? That meant windows rolled all the way down while we flew down freeways at 80 mph - the WHOLE way. We soon reached the Washington-Oregon border, where we drove along the Columbia River for as long as our planned route would let us - absolutely beautiful drive. Hours later, I was exhausted so Jesse took over the driver's seat. We agreed to tackle 10 hours of road each day, and we would switch after 5 hours. After a day full of giggles, we stopped at a hotel in southeastern Idaho.
I requested a room with two beds, which Jesse would later inform me amused him because he figured the staff thought we were fighting. But let them think what they will, because I had never shared a bed with a man before and I was entirely unready for that. We lugged our suitcases to the room in which we'd be spending our first night together. Oh, God, what if I have to poop? He'll KNOW and I'll die of embarrassment. Okay, calm down, everybody poops. As friends rather than a couple would do, we took turns changing into PJs in the bathroom. He stepped out in shorts and a wife-beater and the only thought in my mind was "Hot." I could see his body for the first time, even though still covered, and I could see his face without his baseball cap. His previously clean-shaven face had already grown some stubble, and it was a sexy look on him.
Jesse sat on his bed, opened his laptop, and went straight to one of those time-wasting websites with a bunch of funny pictures/memes to scroll through. "Why don't you come look at these pictures with me?" I sat next to him, and we laughed at pictures for a while. As Jesse had already demonstrated in phone conversation, he respected me. He didn't try anything with me, didn't touch me in any way that made me feel uncomfortable, and didn't suggest or pressure any sexual activities. He didn't even try to kiss me that night. We were both exhausted from the drive and soon decided to go to sleep. I walked over to my own bed and crawled under the covers on the edge nearest Jesse. Likewise, he stayed on the edge closest to me, and we both fell asleep on our sides facing each other.
It would take us three more days to reach our destination, and those days were nothing short of eventful. We sang along to '60s hits and '90s dance music and weren't ashamed to honk the horn to the beat. Jesse was also very good at changing the lyrics to turn every song into a "your mom" song. To this day, I can't listen to The Box Tops' "The Letter" without fits of uncontrollable laughter because all I hear is "Me and your mom... gonna get it on... your mom wrote me a letter." Jesse voiced his approval of Budweiser by leaning out the window and screaming "YEEEAAHHHH" as we sped by its giant brewery in Colorado, and I voiced my approval of hitchhikers by screaming "Hey, you're hot! SEXAY!" as we sped by them. Jesse quickly discovered my sensitivity to rumble strips when he drove over one and I responded with giggles and "That tickles my butt." What a mistake. The rest of the trip was filled with rumble strips and my pleading him to stop. When we reached Oklahoma City, we could see a storm ahead - a real storm, not a "storm" like we have in the Pacific Northwest. I'm not sure if Jesse just wanted to make good time or if he wanted to be a macho man but he asked, "Do you trust me?" with the implication of driving through it. "Yes." So we did. I think the storm was much worse than he anticipated because he almost lost control of the car when the wind blew us into the other lane. I found the lightning, thunder, and heavy rainfall terrifying, to be honest. Never in my life had I seen such a storm. I know he could see it in my face because he kept looking at me with a facial expression of adoration and eventually inquired, "You're on quite an adventure, aren't you?" Indeed I was. I also remember stopping for lunch at a restaurant where we sat next to the window. A truck was parked outside, and caught between the crevices of its grill was a dead bird with a leg hanging out. For reasons I don't even understand, I just thought that was the most hilarious thing I had ever seen and could not stop laughing. I'd calm down for a couple minutes only to start laughing again. "The bird... *giggle giggle* it's leg... *giggle giggle,*" and naturally, I had to mimic its position which made me laugh even harder. Jesse then kept laughing because I was laughing although I think I embarrassed him a little. "Calm down..." "People are staring..."
Long story short, the trip was quite an adventure. Although I have mostly very positive memories of it, there was one thing that did not quite sit right with me. Jesse had frequently complimented me over the phone, but during this trip, the frequency of those confidence-boosting comments dramatically decreased. Especially unfortunate was the fact that he began to replace those compliments with insults. "Crackhead" would be the first of many names. Although I think he may have meant some of these comments as jokes, they didn't feel like jokes; they were hurtful - especially since he had largely ceased with the compliments.
After four days of driving, we made it to our destination: his parents' house which happened to be 3 hours away from my new city of residence. We spent a couple days there, and his family seemed to really like me. His mother took several opportunities to tell me about what a great guy her son was and what he would offer in a relationship. Jesse introduced me to his friends, who were also very nice and fun people, and he showed me around the town he grew up in. As we were walking around sites and parks, I very much wanted to hold his hand but was afraid to. Part of it was just insecurity, but I also wondered why he hadn't made a move yet. We were having fun together - or at least I was - yet he didn't want to hold my hand or kiss me? Had he lost all interest in me? Maybe I didn't turn out to be the person he thought I was.
We continued our journey all the way to Jesse's house in Georgia, and we decided to continue driving all the way to the east coast - Savannah, GA - just for the bragging rights. That way we could say that we drove all the way across the nation from one coast to the other. We toured Atlanta a little and eventually made it back to Jesse's house, where we just hung out for a day. To my surprise, he started incorporating some touch. He held me a few times while we were watching TV on the couch, and he crawled on top of me once to tickle me into oblivion.
"This is fun. You're fun. I've never been with a boy before."
"Boy?! I'm a man..."
*Laughter* "Yes, you're right, how silly of me."
While we did have fun, random name-calling was interspersed throughout our time together and I eventually worked up the courage to say something about it.
"Okay... Jesse, I need to speak up about something."
He immediately gave me his undivided attention. "What is it? What's wrong?"
"You really hurt my feelings when you called me a bitch just now."
"What? I never called you that; I said bisnitch and I was talking about the video game." (We were playing video games.)
"Well, okay then. I guess I misunderstood. But you've called me names other times and it's hurtful."
"When? What?"
"You called me a crackhead, you keep calling me fucker, and now apparently I'm a dildo because you called me that a few minutes ago too."
*Nervous laugh* "Oh... I don't mean for them to be hurtful. They're terms of endearment..."
I gave him a confused and slightly disgusted look.
He spoke for me by mimicking my voice and saying, "How is dildo a term of endearment?" *more laughter* "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I'm sorry."
Oh, good. I'm glad that conversation went so well and that he understands. And maybe he really was just teasing. Unfortunately though, the name-calling continued. It was especially hurtful at that point because he knew that it bothered me. Did he not care about my feelings?
Jesse had agreed to change the oil in my car for me but he kept procrastinating - in a good way. "Oh, I'm so tired... I guess you'll just have to stay another day so I can do it tomorrow." I loved the fact that he wanted me to stay; it was flattering. However, he had already gone back to work so staying more days meant spending all day in the house with his dog. His "I'm tired" excuse worked one day but then I insisted he change my oil so I could drive to my new home, and he cooperated. As he was leaving for work the next morning and I was leaving for my new home, we said our goodbyes and hugged - but still no kiss. I guess he's just not interested in me.
Phone calls and texts continued every day just as before, and he wanted me to come visit him the following weekend. Maybe he IS still interested... I'm so confused. I agreed. It was a lengthy drive, and I was exhausted when I got there so I just collapsed on the couch right next to him. He grabbed my arm to pull me closer to him and kept pulling until I was on top of him. He puckered his lips. Oh, gosh. This is about to happen. He wants me to kiss him. I don't know how to do this.
And... it is insanely late and I need to go to bed. Okay, so I'm a liar! I don't really talk much about my first kiss in this post. I'll write about this kiss next time, I promise.
The fact that this moment had come felt a little surreal. I'd be meeting Jesse within minutes after only knowing him over the phone for the past three-and-a-half months. You can be certain I devoted extra time that day to my makeup.
While pulling up to the proper gate at "Arrivals," I scanned the crowd looking for Jesse's face, which I knew quite well after Facebook-stalking his photo albums more times than I care to admit. And there he was. He hadn't spotted me yet, but he was standing there with a grin on his face and wearing track pants, a t-shirt, and a baseball cap - his "flying gear" as he called it. I was so excited, I didn't even think to pull up next to him. I just stopped the car, leaped out, and ran all the way over to him.
"Jesse!"
Startled, he turned toward me and didn't even have a chance to get a word out before I threw my arms around him.
"It's nice to finally meet you."
"It's nice to meet you too, Anonymous Virgin." (LAWL)
Jesse was even cuter in person than he was in his pictures, and his southern accent more charming than on the phone. He had the most gorgeous blue eyes of any man I've ever met, and his boyish features possessed a maturity due to stress lines from his deployment in Iraq. I thought he was very handsome.
We hugged each other tight for a bit, then got in my car and headed to my cousin's house, where we'd be sleeping since he lived so close to the airport. The first thing Jesse did was grab my ice scraper from the backseat, shove it down his sleeve, pretend it was his hand, and then start touching me with it while I was trying to drive.
I managed to stop laughing long enough to say, "You are gonna make me wreck, you goofball!"
I'm sure you already have an idea of how our upcoming road trip would go. Jesse was silly and simply too much fun and, given my giggly personality type, we complemented each other quite well.
Before embarking on our journey, we spent a day together in the city and had a blast. I introduced him to some friends I was saying goodbye to, which I'm glad I had the opportunity to do. Something felt special about important people in my life meeting each other, and I'm not sure if I understand completely why. Maybe it was because Jesse and my friends would finally be able to put a face to each other when I talked about them and because this whole experience with Jesse just seemed even more real. "Why, yes, this is the man in my life. Did you hear that? There's a MAN in my life. Can you believe it?!" Jesse's presence also made it a lot easier to say those goodbyes. These were very dear friends that I had been very close with for years, and I was about to leave all of them to go to school on the opposite corner of the nation. Jesse was supportive and his company eased a lot of the pain. Although goodbyes were hard, Jesse and I still a lot of fun that day just enjoying each other's company and doing some of the tourist attractions while we had the opportunity.
I still remember how nervous I was that day. Spending time with Jesse in person was much different than just speaking via telephone. Body language, touch, facial expressions, behaviors... I was very conscious of all of it and kept worrying I would do something wrong or turn him off. Ironically, all that worry can turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy, but I have found that's a lesson that just comes with experience. Anyway, despite all my anxiety, it was a very good day. Jesse's sense of humor was wonderful and his goofy personality was a treat to spend time with. He was also very generous and paid for everything that day - event/attraction tickets and meals. I suppose that's to be expected when a potential couple starts spending time together; but regardless, it meant a great deal to me. No guy had ever done that for me before (or rather, I had never had a guy in my life to do that). I felt special and valued, which is a marvelous feeling.
We spent that night at my parent's house (in separate rooms) and would begin our journey the next day. I cried that morning as I hugged my mother goodbye (Dad had left early for work so I didn't even get to tell him goodbye). As we packed a few boxes into my car - the ones that were too fragile to mail to my new home - and as we got into the car and shut the doors - Jesse told me not be sad and reminded me of how much fun our trip would be; he didn't want to see me cry. It was sweet.
"You're right. We've been looking forward to this trip forever, and it's not like I'll never see my family again."
I'm disappointed that I don't remember his exact response to this, but I do remember laughing really hard immediately after he said it. I guess he knew the right thing to say.
On that note, I started the car and hit the gas. Our journey had begun. I'm sure I could write a book about all the silly and memorable things that happened on that trip, but this is just a blog so ain't nobody got time for that. I'll try to give you the super summarized version.
Remember how I mentioned my car had no A/C and this was the end of July? That meant windows rolled all the way down while we flew down freeways at 80 mph - the WHOLE way. We soon reached the Washington-Oregon border, where we drove along the Columbia River for as long as our planned route would let us - absolutely beautiful drive. Hours later, I was exhausted so Jesse took over the driver's seat. We agreed to tackle 10 hours of road each day, and we would switch after 5 hours. After a day full of giggles, we stopped at a hotel in southeastern Idaho.
I requested a room with two beds, which Jesse would later inform me amused him because he figured the staff thought we were fighting. But let them think what they will, because I had never shared a bed with a man before and I was entirely unready for that. We lugged our suitcases to the room in which we'd be spending our first night together. Oh, God, what if I have to poop? He'll KNOW and I'll die of embarrassment. Okay, calm down, everybody poops. As friends rather than a couple would do, we took turns changing into PJs in the bathroom. He stepped out in shorts and a wife-beater and the only thought in my mind was "Hot." I could see his body for the first time, even though still covered, and I could see his face without his baseball cap. His previously clean-shaven face had already grown some stubble, and it was a sexy look on him.
Jesse sat on his bed, opened his laptop, and went straight to one of those time-wasting websites with a bunch of funny pictures/memes to scroll through. "Why don't you come look at these pictures with me?" I sat next to him, and we laughed at pictures for a while. As Jesse had already demonstrated in phone conversation, he respected me. He didn't try anything with me, didn't touch me in any way that made me feel uncomfortable, and didn't suggest or pressure any sexual activities. He didn't even try to kiss me that night. We were both exhausted from the drive and soon decided to go to sleep. I walked over to my own bed and crawled under the covers on the edge nearest Jesse. Likewise, he stayed on the edge closest to me, and we both fell asleep on our sides facing each other.
It would take us three more days to reach our destination, and those days were nothing short of eventful. We sang along to '60s hits and '90s dance music and weren't ashamed to honk the horn to the beat. Jesse was also very good at changing the lyrics to turn every song into a "your mom" song. To this day, I can't listen to The Box Tops' "The Letter" without fits of uncontrollable laughter because all I hear is "Me and your mom... gonna get it on... your mom wrote me a letter." Jesse voiced his approval of Budweiser by leaning out the window and screaming "YEEEAAHHHH" as we sped by its giant brewery in Colorado, and I voiced my approval of hitchhikers by screaming "Hey, you're hot! SEXAY!" as we sped by them. Jesse quickly discovered my sensitivity to rumble strips when he drove over one and I responded with giggles and "That tickles my butt." What a mistake. The rest of the trip was filled with rumble strips and my pleading him to stop. When we reached Oklahoma City, we could see a storm ahead - a real storm, not a "storm" like we have in the Pacific Northwest. I'm not sure if Jesse just wanted to make good time or if he wanted to be a macho man but he asked, "Do you trust me?" with the implication of driving through it. "Yes." So we did. I think the storm was much worse than he anticipated because he almost lost control of the car when the wind blew us into the other lane. I found the lightning, thunder, and heavy rainfall terrifying, to be honest. Never in my life had I seen such a storm. I know he could see it in my face because he kept looking at me with a facial expression of adoration and eventually inquired, "You're on quite an adventure, aren't you?" Indeed I was. I also remember stopping for lunch at a restaurant where we sat next to the window. A truck was parked outside, and caught between the crevices of its grill was a dead bird with a leg hanging out. For reasons I don't even understand, I just thought that was the most hilarious thing I had ever seen and could not stop laughing. I'd calm down for a couple minutes only to start laughing again. "The bird... *giggle giggle* it's leg... *giggle giggle,*" and naturally, I had to mimic its position which made me laugh even harder. Jesse then kept laughing because I was laughing although I think I embarrassed him a little. "Calm down..." "People are staring..."
Long story short, the trip was quite an adventure. Although I have mostly very positive memories of it, there was one thing that did not quite sit right with me. Jesse had frequently complimented me over the phone, but during this trip, the frequency of those confidence-boosting comments dramatically decreased. Especially unfortunate was the fact that he began to replace those compliments with insults. "Crackhead" would be the first of many names. Although I think he may have meant some of these comments as jokes, they didn't feel like jokes; they were hurtful - especially since he had largely ceased with the compliments.
After four days of driving, we made it to our destination: his parents' house which happened to be 3 hours away from my new city of residence. We spent a couple days there, and his family seemed to really like me. His mother took several opportunities to tell me about what a great guy her son was and what he would offer in a relationship. Jesse introduced me to his friends, who were also very nice and fun people, and he showed me around the town he grew up in. As we were walking around sites and parks, I very much wanted to hold his hand but was afraid to. Part of it was just insecurity, but I also wondered why he hadn't made a move yet. We were having fun together - or at least I was - yet he didn't want to hold my hand or kiss me? Had he lost all interest in me? Maybe I didn't turn out to be the person he thought I was.
We continued our journey all the way to Jesse's house in Georgia, and we decided to continue driving all the way to the east coast - Savannah, GA - just for the bragging rights. That way we could say that we drove all the way across the nation from one coast to the other. We toured Atlanta a little and eventually made it back to Jesse's house, where we just hung out for a day. To my surprise, he started incorporating some touch. He held me a few times while we were watching TV on the couch, and he crawled on top of me once to tickle me into oblivion.
"This is fun. You're fun. I've never been with a boy before."
"Boy?! I'm a man..."
*Laughter* "Yes, you're right, how silly of me."
While we did have fun, random name-calling was interspersed throughout our time together and I eventually worked up the courage to say something about it.
"Okay... Jesse, I need to speak up about something."
He immediately gave me his undivided attention. "What is it? What's wrong?"
"You really hurt my feelings when you called me a bitch just now."
"What? I never called you that; I said bisnitch and I was talking about the video game." (We were playing video games.)
"Well, okay then. I guess I misunderstood. But you've called me names other times and it's hurtful."
"When? What?"
"You called me a crackhead, you keep calling me fucker, and now apparently I'm a dildo because you called me that a few minutes ago too."
*Nervous laugh* "Oh... I don't mean for them to be hurtful. They're terms of endearment..."
I gave him a confused and slightly disgusted look.
He spoke for me by mimicking my voice and saying, "How is dildo a term of endearment?" *more laughter* "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I'm sorry."
Oh, good. I'm glad that conversation went so well and that he understands. And maybe he really was just teasing. Unfortunately though, the name-calling continued. It was especially hurtful at that point because he knew that it bothered me. Did he not care about my feelings?
Jesse had agreed to change the oil in my car for me but he kept procrastinating - in a good way. "Oh, I'm so tired... I guess you'll just have to stay another day so I can do it tomorrow." I loved the fact that he wanted me to stay; it was flattering. However, he had already gone back to work so staying more days meant spending all day in the house with his dog. His "I'm tired" excuse worked one day but then I insisted he change my oil so I could drive to my new home, and he cooperated. As he was leaving for work the next morning and I was leaving for my new home, we said our goodbyes and hugged - but still no kiss. I guess he's just not interested in me.
Phone calls and texts continued every day just as before, and he wanted me to come visit him the following weekend. Maybe he IS still interested... I'm so confused. I agreed. It was a lengthy drive, and I was exhausted when I got there so I just collapsed on the couch right next to him. He grabbed my arm to pull me closer to him and kept pulling until I was on top of him. He puckered his lips. Oh, gosh. This is about to happen. He wants me to kiss him. I don't know how to do this.
And... it is insanely late and I need to go to bed. Okay, so I'm a liar! I don't really talk much about my first kiss in this post. I'll write about this kiss next time, I promise.