I stepped into Rick's and, towering above everyone in the waiting area, was Tyler. Holy. Crap. He is HUGE. And by huge, by no means do I mean fat. No. I mean at least 6'5" and an athletic build. I walked toward him, and he flashed me a huge smile as soon as we made eye contact.
"It's good to see you," he said as he gave me a hug.
"Good to see you too!"
"Right this way," announced the hostess before leading us to our booth.
Okay, everything is fine, no reason to be nervous. Just be yourself.
"You look very pretty," he said as I sat down.
Tee hee! He thinks I'm pretty! A smile came across my face so wide that my eyes squinted shut.
"Thank you! You look very nice too."
He smiled back at me.
"So, Tyler, how was your day?"
I clearly come up with very unique conversation topics. Despite my inexperience with traditional dating, we ended up covering all the traditional first-date topics during our conversation that evening: interests, hobbies, funny anecdotes from our past, future goals, etc. Something that particularly surprised me was that I was the one who did more of the talking, while he laughed at my goofy commentary. I feel like those roles are reversed in most of my day-to-day interactions, and I was somewhat impressed that my anxiety didn't prevent me from coming up with new material to discuss during the few awkward moments we seemed to run out of steam.
Tyler seemed to have a gentle disposition and a positive attitude, so although we weren't discovering any common interests, I still enjoyed his company and our evening together. My nerves eased as the evening progressed and I started to feel like I didn't have to work hard to impress him; I could just be myself. That was a good feeling. Friends in relationships have told me that they felt comfortable with their partner from the very beginning; they didn't feel like they had to put on a show. I do hope that's common because it was refreshing to feel entirely comfortable just being myself.
While conversation that evening flowed smoothly enough – or no less smooth than you would expect for two perfect strangers – the evening was not completely devoid of awkward moments. In fact, perhaps my most prominent memory of the evening was an exchange we had toward the end of our meal before parting ways.
Tyler: "I've really enjoyed this evening and I have liked spending time with you..."
"Thanks, I've had a great time too!"
"So what do you think about me? Are you interested in me?"
"Oh... um... honestly, this is our first date so I don't know you well enough yet to answer that. But I had a good time tonight, and I'd like to get to know you more."
"Okay... but are you interested?"
Now that I have a little more experience with dating, his question makes more sense to me. I think he just wanted to know if I felt at all excited about him or attracted to him and if I could possibly see myself dating him. However, being the novice dater that I was, I didn't understand any of this and interpreted his question as a much more serious proposition than he likely intended. To me, "Are you interested?" meant "Do you really really like me and want to keep dating me?" Additionally, although I had had crushes in the past, determining level of interest in the context of dating was something that I simply did not know how to do yet. I didn't know how to recognize if I was interested in someone or not because I had not yet had the experience of dating a guy I was genuinely interested in. That would be like deciding if I have a preference for apples when I've never tasted any other fruit. Anyway, given his miscommunication and my misinterpretation and naïveté, it's not surprising how awkward things quickly became.
Me: "I don't know... I don't know enough about you yet."
"But do you like me? Do you want to see me again?"
"Yeah." *Smiled and nodded head*
"So you're interested?"
"I'm interested in seeing you again and getting to know you, yes."
*Awkward silence*
Tyler: "I have sisters, and they talk about the men they date, and if they're not really interested they'll say things like [*mimics sister's voice and facial expressions*] 'Eh, he's nice... If he wants to take me to dinner, I'll go... but I don't think he's the guy for me.' So I know that a girl knows whether she's interested or not."
At this point, I'm shooting him confused facial expressions after every few words that exit his mouth.
Me: "But I really don't know... I don't know what else you want me to say. I like you so far and I'd like to get to know you."
Jesus, what does this guy want from me?
"So you really don't know?"
"No, this is our first date. I barely know you."
"Okay then, that's okay."
He changed the subject but when the waitress returned with our check, he apparently decided to make one last attempt at getting a different response from me before we called it an evening.
"So do you like me? Am I someone you could see yourself with?"
With a tone of confusion and mild frustration, I stated "I can't answer these questions."
"I just want to know if you're interested."
Oh. My. God. Please just stop talking.
"I'm interested in seeing you again. I don't know what else to tell you."
"You're giving me a look..."
"I am?"
I asked my friends about this later and apparently I do in fact have a distinctive facial expression when I'm astounded by someone's behavior. I guess it looks something like this. If you're giving or receiving that look on a date, it's probably not a good sign.
Anyway, at that point, he finally gave up prying a different answer out of me, and we exchanged goodbyes for the evening.
What just happened tonight? How was I supposed to respond to that?
Shortly after I arrived home, he texted me this:
"I had a really great time tonight. I'm feeling things that I haven't felt in a long time."
That's nice but really? After one hour together and some surface-level conversation? You don't even know me... Honestly, after all of his questioning about my interest level and then that text message, he was turning me off. What started as a nice and fun dinner was ending as a thoroughly awkward interaction, and his eager attitude was making me think that he just wanted a girlfriend more than he wanted specifically me. I did have a nice time with him though overall and he struck me as a good person, so I still wanted to go out with him again. Maybe we would discover some common interests and have even more fun next time. Who knows? We had only been on one date. I texted him back.
"I had a great time too, and I'm looking forward to seeing you again."
I didn't want to lie about feelings I wasn't having, so I figured that was the best thing to say. I was a little confused about the whole evening but at the same time... I just had my first date! That was an exciting reality and I immediately called my best friend back home in Seattle to tell her all about it.
I would see Tyler again and, this time, it would be awkward for entirely different reasons. I should be able to finish this story in my next post.
"It's good to see you," he said as he gave me a hug.
"Good to see you too!"
"Right this way," announced the hostess before leading us to our booth.
Okay, everything is fine, no reason to be nervous. Just be yourself.
"You look very pretty," he said as I sat down.
Tee hee! He thinks I'm pretty! A smile came across my face so wide that my eyes squinted shut.
"Thank you! You look very nice too."
He smiled back at me.
"So, Tyler, how was your day?"
I clearly come up with very unique conversation topics. Despite my inexperience with traditional dating, we ended up covering all the traditional first-date topics during our conversation that evening: interests, hobbies, funny anecdotes from our past, future goals, etc. Something that particularly surprised me was that I was the one who did more of the talking, while he laughed at my goofy commentary. I feel like those roles are reversed in most of my day-to-day interactions, and I was somewhat impressed that my anxiety didn't prevent me from coming up with new material to discuss during the few awkward moments we seemed to run out of steam.
Tyler seemed to have a gentle disposition and a positive attitude, so although we weren't discovering any common interests, I still enjoyed his company and our evening together. My nerves eased as the evening progressed and I started to feel like I didn't have to work hard to impress him; I could just be myself. That was a good feeling. Friends in relationships have told me that they felt comfortable with their partner from the very beginning; they didn't feel like they had to put on a show. I do hope that's common because it was refreshing to feel entirely comfortable just being myself.
While conversation that evening flowed smoothly enough – or no less smooth than you would expect for two perfect strangers – the evening was not completely devoid of awkward moments. In fact, perhaps my most prominent memory of the evening was an exchange we had toward the end of our meal before parting ways.
Tyler: "I've really enjoyed this evening and I have liked spending time with you..."
"Thanks, I've had a great time too!"
"So what do you think about me? Are you interested in me?"
"Oh... um... honestly, this is our first date so I don't know you well enough yet to answer that. But I had a good time tonight, and I'd like to get to know you more."
"Okay... but are you interested?"
Now that I have a little more experience with dating, his question makes more sense to me. I think he just wanted to know if I felt at all excited about him or attracted to him and if I could possibly see myself dating him. However, being the novice dater that I was, I didn't understand any of this and interpreted his question as a much more serious proposition than he likely intended. To me, "Are you interested?" meant "Do you really really like me and want to keep dating me?" Additionally, although I had had crushes in the past, determining level of interest in the context of dating was something that I simply did not know how to do yet. I didn't know how to recognize if I was interested in someone or not because I had not yet had the experience of dating a guy I was genuinely interested in. That would be like deciding if I have a preference for apples when I've never tasted any other fruit. Anyway, given his miscommunication and my misinterpretation and naïveté, it's not surprising how awkward things quickly became.
Me: "I don't know... I don't know enough about you yet."
"But do you like me? Do you want to see me again?"
"Yeah." *Smiled and nodded head*
"So you're interested?"
"I'm interested in seeing you again and getting to know you, yes."
*Awkward silence*
Tyler: "I have sisters, and they talk about the men they date, and if they're not really interested they'll say things like [*mimics sister's voice and facial expressions*] 'Eh, he's nice... If he wants to take me to dinner, I'll go... but I don't think he's the guy for me.' So I know that a girl knows whether she's interested or not."
At this point, I'm shooting him confused facial expressions after every few words that exit his mouth.
Me: "But I really don't know... I don't know what else you want me to say. I like you so far and I'd like to get to know you."
Jesus, what does this guy want from me?
"So you really don't know?"
"No, this is our first date. I barely know you."
"Okay then, that's okay."
He changed the subject but when the waitress returned with our check, he apparently decided to make one last attempt at getting a different response from me before we called it an evening.
"So do you like me? Am I someone you could see yourself with?"
With a tone of confusion and mild frustration, I stated "I can't answer these questions."
"I just want to know if you're interested."
Oh. My. God. Please just stop talking.
"I'm interested in seeing you again. I don't know what else to tell you."
"You're giving me a look..."
"I am?"
I asked my friends about this later and apparently I do in fact have a distinctive facial expression when I'm astounded by someone's behavior. I guess it looks something like this. If you're giving or receiving that look on a date, it's probably not a good sign.
Anyway, at that point, he finally gave up prying a different answer out of me, and we exchanged goodbyes for the evening.
What just happened tonight? How was I supposed to respond to that?
Shortly after I arrived home, he texted me this:
"I had a really great time tonight. I'm feeling things that I haven't felt in a long time."
That's nice but really? After one hour together and some surface-level conversation? You don't even know me... Honestly, after all of his questioning about my interest level and then that text message, he was turning me off. What started as a nice and fun dinner was ending as a thoroughly awkward interaction, and his eager attitude was making me think that he just wanted a girlfriend more than he wanted specifically me. I did have a nice time with him though overall and he struck me as a good person, so I still wanted to go out with him again. Maybe we would discover some common interests and have even more fun next time. Who knows? We had only been on one date. I texted him back.
"I had a great time too, and I'm looking forward to seeing you again."
I didn't want to lie about feelings I wasn't having, so I figured that was the best thing to say. I was a little confused about the whole evening but at the same time... I just had my first date! That was an exciting reality and I immediately called my best friend back home in Seattle to tell her all about it.
I would see Tyler again and, this time, it would be awkward for entirely different reasons. I should be able to finish this story in my next post.
In other news... Mike added me on Snapchat a week ago which only confuses me because I can see from his stats that he's a very active user, yet he never sent me any snaps after adding me. I finally sent him one after a few days, and he didn't respond until a few days later when he sent me a Snapchat video of he and his friends playing beer pong at 3AM. Umm... okay... AND he just cluttered my Facebook newsfeed with some video of women shaking their breasts while wearing nothing but pasties. God. Seriously? Are you 14 years old? Please have a little class. Given my childish behavior of stressing over Snapchat though, perhaps I deserve this time warp back to high school. I'm going to stop typing now before I further embarrass myself, and then start a 401(k) plan so I can feel like an adult again. The awesome part about all this though is that he's thoroughly turning me off right now, which makes it way easier to let go.