"Hey, Chris. I've given this a lot of thought and I've decided I'm just not comfortable with it. I don't like hiding things from Mike, and even if you're not living together, you're still friends – and I'm just not comfortable getting involved with good friends of guys I've already been involved with."
I decided I'd rather just leave it at that than elaborate on all the characteristics that I disliked about him. This way I was still being honest but not unnecessarily hurtful. An entirely truthful answer would have included the last couple paragraphs of my last post.
After only one minute, he responded.
"That's fine. I was drunk last night or I would never have brought it up. I know you having seen Mike would make it too awkward no matter the situation. All I ask is please don't mention this to him."
That's the second time he has told me not to tell Mike about this. Maybe I should? The fact that he's so afraid of that outcome tells me that he believes he did something very wrong and that he's planning to hide this from Mike possibly indefinitely.
While I was still contemplating my response, he sent me another message:
"You can at least do that for me, right? He doesn't need to know about this."
"At least do that for you?" As if I owe you something? I owe you nothing, and now I'm mad that you're putting me in a very uncomfortable situation where I have to make a decision regarding the morally right thing to do. And "doesn't need to know?" I personally would be very upset if one of my close friends deliberately went behind my back and came on to Mike or to any guy that I was still harboring feelings for. I definitely would want to know about it.
With these thoughts in mind, I responded with the following:
"This is a very awkward situation for me now... I don't like secrets but I also don't like contributing to bad situations for other people. I don't really know what to do. Although, he's ultimately the one who rejected me, so he might not even care."
Chris: "You must be joking. You have no reason to tell him. You yourself last night said that you haven't talked to him in ages. [Actually, I said I haven't talked to him much lately.] It's not a secret, he has no business knowing. The only thing you telling him will do is damage his and mine friendship."
I stopped responding at this point. Now I was mad. Not only was he trying to guilt me into keeping my mouth shut but he was trying to make me the bad guy in this situation. I wasn't the one who stabbed my roommate in the back and went after a girl he has had an on-and-off thing with for nearly the past year.
While going about my evening, I thought about this for a few hours and I asked a few friends what they thought the morally right thing to do was. One friend said he didn't think I was under any moral obligation to tell Mike what had happened since we weren't currently involved, another said either telling him or not telling him was the right thing depending on how I looked at it, and another said that I should definitely tell him because it was the morally right thing to do AND because I would look really bad later if Mike learned of this situation on his own and knew that I never told him.
Honestly, the last response is the one that I agreed with all along and I was just waiting for someone to confirm it. I decided to tell Mike.
It was nearly 1:00AM at this point but since Mike is a bartender, I knew he'd still be working and thus awake. I also knew his shift would be ending within minutes and that I needed to get this off my chest as soon as possible, so I decided the present moment was the best time to tell him. I texted.
"Hey, Mike, I'm in an awkward situation and I think telling you what happened is the right thing to do. Chris asked me to join him for a drink last night and I was already out and he has always been friendly to me, so I agreed and didn't think much of it. However, he eventually told me that he was interested in me and wanted to start seeing me – and he emphasized that he didn't want me to inform you of this conversation. This whole situation is very uncomfortable for me, and I don't like hiding things from people, so I'm telling you now. Also, for the record, I said no."
Less than an hour later, Chris messaged me, "Did you say something to him?" I'm guessing that means Mike came home and picked a fight. Thirty minutes later, Mike texted me back.
"Hey [my name]. I appreciate how fantastic of a person you are, darlin'. You truly have a moral compass of pure gold. I have no claim to you, even though I still have feelings for you. You are able to do anything you want to with whomever you want too. This just shows that Chris is obviously not my friend. He is a shady guy, and my only objection here is that he would never deserve you even if he lived a thousand lifetimes. Thank you for being so honest. I truly appreciate it."
"No problem, Mike. And thanks."
I discovered this morning that Chris blocked me on Facebook, but I'm almost glad he did because I don't need people like that in my life. I'm confident that I made the right decision here, even if their living situation is a little awkward right now. Mike needed to know.